So okay...I'll vent a little here...
Last night Joy had made tnetative plans with a group of folks to come out to the park and see THE LION THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE. She went out and bought a bunch of snacks and wine, made some yummy beer cheese, and spent a great deal of time getting herself and the wolverine (her nickname for our boy) together to go out (NOT the easiest of tasks) ...and what happened? Nobody friggin showed up. And worse???No one CALLED to say they weren't showing up. Listen folks, I know people have their lives and things to do, and people to see, etc. But guess what? There is such a thing as common courtesy, and part of that courtesy includes a phone call if you're bailing on a planned outing. It's not that we're that pissed, but even though she won't admit it, it did kinda hurt my wife's feelings a bit...Which I guess DOES piss me off, cause she's a sweet, generous woman who always goes the extra mile to do for others, and when folks take that for granted I get a little miffed! But in truth, I'm not sure why I'm even putting it up here, as most of those folks don't read this blog anyway, but dammit what's the good in having a nice little cyberspace forum if you can't vent every now and again?
People are a funny lot. Joy and I have moved around so much in our (almost) 13 years together (July 31st, for those keeping score) that we have friends spread out all over the country. Perhaps thats why we've always felt a bit like outsiders wherever we go. We both pretty much came to the realization long ago that there are two kinds of folks: Those that keep their friends together, and those that are "kept" together via someone else's efforts. So many people have come in and out of our lives over the years due to a sort of "out of sight/out of mind" way of looking at things. Fortunately, though, we do have a nice group of folks that seem invested enough in our friendship that they actually give a damn enough to write or call occasionally. However, in most cases, we seem to be the ones who always initiate said contact. I suppose that's just the way the world spins, but it can be damned annoying, sometimes. Overall, though, here in Lex, I have to say that I feel blessed to have made some of the friends that I have, particularly you folks who inhabit this blog with me. And even though I may not say it enough, your friendship does mean a great deal to me, as do your varied and intersting opinions and commentary.
I guess that's all I had to say about that. Vent over- short and sweet. We'll return to our regularly scheduled pontificating next week!
...that was a joke btw....
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31 comments:
We are with you, brother. That is one of Mike and my biggest pet peeves. The worst part is when they don't even contact you to tell you they can't make it.
We understand totally. And, no, it's not easy to put all that work into it - including getting a little guy ready - and for what?
Hope you guys had fun anyway.
X, you have a right to be vexed. Like you and Joy, Julieanne and I through much of our life have been the glue that keeps the coterie of friends and acquaintances together.
When we moved from LA, I don't know how many of our friends there said, "But who'll throw the parties?" "But there are so many great people I don't get to see unless we see them at your place." I told them I guess they'd just have to get off their asses and pick up the slack.
One of the nice things about coming back to KY is our intimates here extend the invite as often as they accept one and do their bit to keep the old gang together. Besides my long-term college friends; I've also got a group of long-term high school friends. A half dozen of us got together just this past Thursday when a couple from Mass. were up in Northern Ky. visiting relatives.
Great, fun long-term relationships take work...like anything worthwile.
I think if there's a change of plans, every effort should be made to contact the folks who will be inconvenience by that change. It's simple courtesy. Be angry!
Y'know, your little diatribe reminded me of what happened at our wedding reception. We had carefully counted all the RSVPs and paid the caterer a (fairly high)per person charge, and then several people didn't show up. I guess there's always a certain amount of attrition in those situations, but I was still ticked about it for days. We could've spent that dough on honeymoon delights, but instead, it paid for more leftovers in the trash. I don't remember anyone either calling to say they couldn't make it or apologizing afterward, either.
I say bring back Miss Manners.
I know I am guilty as anyone of bailing out at the 11th hour. Most of the time it is due to some unforseeen factors, but I also tend to stretch myself too thin and occasionally disappoint. And, I know that you have been the victim of both those factors. Mea culpa.
That having been said, I actually wanted to make a comment about you, my friend. I have never been so impressed with anyone's efforts to keep contact with friends as much as I have your's. You still talk with people you grew up with or went to high school with. I certainly do not do that, nor do I care to (if you knew my hometown, you'd understand). But, I have noticed that you have relaxed but consistent contact with lots of people.
Erin and I were discussing last night how much we appreciate friends who simply trust that we're still here without our having to be in *constant* contact with them. We all get busy, especially if you have kids. We have had some friends who seem to feel the need to exchange daily emails or calls, else they fear we don't love them anymore. Truth is, some of our best friends are people we have only occasional contact with most of the time. Then, when we do see them, it's like there was never a hiatus.
I guess this digresses from the topic in a stricter sense. But, it's all about who your friends are. I guess everyone has different "rules" about what you can or should do within a friendship in terms of formality and consideration. Lord knows I play it loose sometimes.
I'll have to work on that. As a good friend once wrote...
--------------
JASON: For years… I called, I wrote… I e-mailed… shit, I think I even tried smoke signals a few times… you people just weren’t interested! Out of sight, out of mind right?
DENVER: You know that’s not true… people get caught up in their own lives…
BTW, nice lyric snip. If anyone else gets it, it sure cuts to the quick. As it should.
YES! In big agreement. I have had the Peter Brady thing happen to me a few times. And it hurt a bit every time. I feel fortunate that I have the friends I have in Lex and BY GOSH O' GOLLY I appreciate each of you. I certainly didn't put it out there enough while in Lex, that's for sure. But you know how it is...once it's gone, you appreciate it more...I don't have very many friends here.... and I certainly feel the outsider here.
Thanks to you all for being considerate friends...Tim and Joy for orgainizing El Toro in April, Alicia and Shayne for being "on it" every time I'm in town and going out of their way to see me. Chris Rose for always keeping me updated and Adam for making a point to see me this time around. And to all of ya'' who came out to El Toro...I appreciated it man! It may just be a quick evening out to u guys, but it means the world to me.
So to those of u who "flake" now and then (Matt and I 's term for just not calling or showing up: give a call, let your pals know you care, cuz to some of us...it means a whole hell of a lot.
Mikey,
I know what you mean about playing it loose, as I can certainly do that myself sometimes.(Case in point, it took me forever to finally let you guys know about the party a few weeks ago- see, I suck too!) But I have always tried to keep contact with certain people over the years. I think a sense of community is important, but man it;'s hard to maintain when you're hundreds or thousands of miles away from people you care about. This blog is kind of an example. I started this thing initally for USM Theatre graduates as an extension of our newsletter (that Mr Mills has so diligently maintained lo these many years- you rock Jason!) But damned if more than a handful of 'em ever manage to come by (or if they do, they just lurk and never join the party!) Even that kinda pisses me off! BUT- come to find out that this thing has morphed into something new and exciting, with so many locals here in lex, and people in other areas too (not forgeting the lovely divacloneinFL!) SO I gues things always seem to have a way of working out-
Thanks to all of you for your kind comments- and your continued support of our little cyber watering hole...
..and if any of the folks who did blow Joy off last night actually did read my tirade- don't take too much offense. I just tend to be really sensitive where my wife's feelings are concerned. Perhaps Tuttle can regale you all with the story of me, out on our 3rd floor balcony and in my boxers,no less-threatening massive bodily harm on a drunken frat boy in our apt parking lot at 2 in the morning for saying "F*&k you , bitch" to my wife! Nope, it's like the lod song says..."you don't step on Superman's cape, you don't spit in the wind...and you don't call the X man's lady a bitch! "
I am not scared of to many things.... but the idea of facing an enraged X over his wife? I quake in my boots!
I am sorry I dont get to se you two as much as I would like. Hell, most of the time it is in passing at some show.
Even with this limited meetings. You both are always very friendly. You never fail to ask of my life and how I am. In the rare times we do get to sit and converse, I absolutly adore your insights, intellegence, and thoughtful comments.
I do know what you mean. How you count on friends and they let you down or dont show. It doesnt mean we love them any less, its that the dissapointment cuts a little deeper than most.
JUst know that because we dont see each other, or talk as much as we should, You are very dear to my heart. It is a good world to have you both here.
-Russell
oh yeah... TO ALL!
Partay at my house this Saturday, July 29th. 5p to ? If you dont know how to get there, e-mail me at russell_mendez @ hotmail . com, I will send directions to you pronto. All are welcome, (except children. not that I dont like them, its just time for the grownups!)
Russell- so I'll be there in spirit !
U know, X, it's funny how things DO work out. This blog is in many ways my lifeline to Lex and many of my pals there. If it weren't for this and a few others...I fear I 'd be way more out of touch with folks than I already am. So thank you X. Thank you for keeping this up and keeping me (who is just over a 1000 miles away) closer to u guys.
I don't get out much. If I do, it is a special occasion. I have flaked on people, and I cannot guarantee I will not flake again. Call me Kellogs.
However, I have never flaked when someone goes through the trouble of assembling beer cheese, wine, and other acoutrements for me. If I had known the lovely Joy had extra seating space and a pick-a-nick basket, I would have joined her toute suit. Hey Boo-boo...
BTW, X, nice job as usual. I unfortunately agree with Dag on this point, that show does not suit the arboretum. However, that does not mean I didn't enjoy the performance for what it was. No reason to sit there with your arms folded and your lips pursed before the curtain even goes up...it's the old "the movie was good, but the book was sooooo much better" malarkey that keeps people from enjoying the nuances of different genres...sorry, I had to rant a little there, too.
-JB
By the way, JB, I just wanna say how proud I am of u. Your doing the comedy thing and starring at the Fest. You rock. I was a fan back when things were old school with us at the Fest and I can't wait to see you in something or on the mike- as it were. And thanks for wanting to come see me when I was in town...but u were busy being a romantic lead.
It bothers me to no end that I didn't get the chance to come out while you were here, Laurie. There is no way to express that effectively in words. X, I'll send you the info we talked about tonight, just send me your email.
Both of you should send me a message at jcarsonbranham@yahoo.com so I have your contact info.
Good to have you back, $.
Yeah, you and me been kicking it for a LOOONNGGG time now, bro! BTW- happy early 40TH to ya, brother! Hope you get to celebrate in style...I'm glad we've been able to keep in touch with each other, and actually work together on occasion, D. We need to do more of that!
FOR ALL YOUSE POSTERS- Joy and I will be out of town in Gatlinburg, TN for the next few days vacationing with the family and celebrating 13 years of wedded bliss! I'll get back to you on Monday with a new topic and lots of good post mortem for the SHakes fest.
Peace and love,
X
I would like to think that I could go to many places in this country and have friends there that would be glad get together.
I miss working with the USM alums.
July 31! Happy Anniversary! Or is July 31 when you started dating? In any case, Happy Something!!
Yep, today is our 13th wedding anniversary! THanks for the well wishes, Ada, and Happy 13th to my wife! Love ya, baby!
Congrats, X and Joy on 13 years of wedded bliss!
-JB
Happy Anniversary, X man and Joy. And many happy returns. : )
Bob
Ditto!
And congrats to you, Adam, and Sidney on your new positions (?) at AGL.
Congratulations Joy and X...when did ya'll get married? When u were like 15??
Thanks, D$!
Happy Anniversary Tim and Joy!
Thanks, Missy. They have me cleaning the friggin' bathrooms!!
Yeah, I hadn't thought of that. I'll consider myself lucky.
Ha ha. Yeah, I get the joke. Not like I've never heard that one before.
No, really, it could be worse. When I was hired on at The Oklahoma Theatre Centre as a set designer, the first thing the whole staff had to do was shovel pigeon shit--and I'm not kidding, there were literally TONS of it--off the walkways and out of the fountains around the theatre. It's a wonder none of us contracted histoplasmosis--or something even nastier from all the roaches in the prop room, where we ended up sleeping many an evening because it was just too late, and we were just too tired, to go home.
Hey Tim, it might be fun to see what other icky jobs people have had to endure under that "other duties as assigned" clause that's in so many theatre contracts. After the Mel Gibson furor passes over, that is.
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