Oh Garth...it was the beginning of the end for you, wasn't it? Probably SOUNDED like a good idea. "Hey guys, I know...let's create this cool, sorta Rock and Roll alter ego, and I'll put out an album by HIM...then, I know...we'll make a MOVIE of it! Yeah, that's it! Damn...I'll finally be bigger than the Beatles!"
Didn't quite work out that way, did it Chris...I mean GARTH? The DID do a nice job of making his face look thin, though, dontcha think?
So why this trip down memory lane for you audiophiles? Cause this wound up on the top of the list of "really stupid music ideas"... check out the link at http://spinner.aol.com/photo-galleries/15-worst-music-ideas-ever-milli-vanilli-movie .
This list is a hoot so check it out (but remember, you'll probably have to cut and paste. For some reason, the links aren't live when they're in my post. Have to look into that...)
So this got me to thinking...what do you consider the WORST theatre / film ideas ever? Gimmie a list of your top five of each, and spare no quarter! Make 'em good! After my last few depressing posts, we need a little F-U-N!
Have at it....oh, and the lyric is a freebie (It's the late, great CHRIS GAINES hisself!)
31 comments:
So I lied...the link IS active! Oh well...
Hey, I bought the Chris Gaines thing! More than anything, I thought it was a cool concept and I wanted to see if it paid off. (It didn't.) You think the cover photo is a departure, you gotta see the stuff they used in the liners! Dear GOD! Garth in Spandex!!
The weird thing is, there are several songs (ok, four) that I really liked on this disc. "It Don't Matter To The Sun" being one of them. There was one called "Unsigned Letter". Great bass line and pretty good all over.
The lyric du jour, BTW, is "Lost in You" from the Gaines disc.
As to the topic at hand, I do have to tread lightly since some of the stinkers I have seen theatre-wise happened right around here. (I'm not even talking about that "Importance of Being Earnest" thing that you are begging to have brought up here. I genuinely LIKED that a lot.) Aw, hell!: Twelfth Night as a musical really made my stomach sour. There. I said it.
Film remakes in general tend to be risky propositions. Some manage to hold their own. I did like "Poseidon" and, though "The Dukes of Hazzard" sucked as a remake, it was okay once I realized how ridiculous it was to be a "purist" about something like the Dukes.
Film sequels that keep a franchise on life support long after it should have been allowed to slip away with dignity are also bad. "Superman II" was cool. Beyond that? Nah. Likewise, anything between "Batman" (Keaton/Nicholson) and "Batman Begins" sucked.
"Spiderman" sucks. It's just not a live-action movie. Market it as the animation it is and I might stomach it... were it not for that Plain Jane they are trying to pass off as MJ and the mumbling jockey-boy they are trying to pass off as the smart-assed wall-crawler. What's left to like? J.K. Simmons as Jameson? I'll take that. But hell, even Willem Dafoe sucked in this! Where's the smart-assed banter?! Take that away and all you have left is a pathetic kid in tights. Tobey Maguire.
Halle Berry's "Catwoman" sucked too. As did "The Hulk" film not long ago. I just wish everyone would step away from the CGI long enough to read the freakin' script. This digital masturbation we are expected to unflinchingly watch is just too much.
You know what rocked? "Sideways". I loved it. I also liked "Crash", "300", "Sin City" and "Grindhouse". I'd much rather see that stuff than a couple of cowboys humpin' around on the prairie. "Not that there's anything wrong with that..."
This isn't really a Top Five, is it? I'll shut up now. But, I'm serious about that Twelfth Night thing. I had to burn my clothes after that one.
Actually, I had a breakfast meeting with Garth Brooks about writing a movie for him, the basic gist of it being the record company would find more profitable to kill the character of an important recording artist than keep him alive or something like that. I really hit it off with his development person and we spitballed the idea and then she set up a meeting with Garth...who I found a bit cool and distant. Basically because I wasn't the writer he wanted. Pretty much all that came out of his mouth was Frank Darabont, Frank Darabont, Frank Darabont...Noticed he didn't get Frank to write his movie either.
An idea for a movie is usually neither here nor there...it's all about execution of the idea that makes it good or bad. All there are some that you can see are stinkers from far off.
I remember being offered a JAWS 4 (or was it 5?). Not a good idea. Turned it down.
I wrote a JAGGED EDGE II for Glenn Close that never got made. I noticed no other JE II ever got made either. I actually liked my very baroque script...my problem was I liked all the characters I created better than Glenn Close's character.
I turned down an offer to write and direct either a Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th sequel (both were into the fours and fives by then)...I don't remember which...
There was a Sherlock Holmes, Dracula, Professor Moriarty script I was asked to re-write. Turned it down. Beside being rampant with illogic and having Holmes fall in love (anathema to true Holmesians)...to have such three dominant characters cheated all three and embraced neither the Holmes mythology or the Dracula mythology particularly well.
Turned down modernizations of both Turn of the Screw and Dorian Grey. Both really need the gothic Victorian sensibility to work.
Probably one of the worst ideas I turned down was some bible-thumpers wanted me to turn a slim volume book entitled the Prayer of Jabez into a movie. The problem with this was the book, a sort of religious self-help book, was based on single line somewhere in the Bible and slim as the book was, it just kept sort of repeating the same mantra throughout that if you follow this prayer of Jabez, your life will be fulfilled. No story. No chartacters. No dramatic conflict. It was absurd. Just a philosophy and not much of one at that. Noticed that epic never got made either.
There were tons of others...unfortunately, none come to mind right now.
Probably the single worst idea for a film ever was to re-make the original Psycho over shot-for-shot, only in colour. I could've told them this would be dead on arrival.
Damn, Mikey...how's it feel to be the only member of the SPIDEY haters club? I think those first two (haven't seen the third yet) have come about as close to getting a comic film right as any (Xmen 2 still being the best, imho)
And no, I don;t particularly wnat anyone to fire missle at LOCAL theatre (particularly my own:)
I'm thinking more GLOBALLY bad ideas...like STARLIGHT EXPRESS...there...there's one of mine!
Jesh...I had so many typing errors in that last post it's almost incomprehensible! Oh well...you all get the gist...
"Dear Kitty"......
Anne Frank as a musical. Do i need to say more?
OH the homage to Psycho just made no sense to me whatsoever. What was the point??? Its like all these direct to video "sequels" which are just the exact same movie as the first but with C,D,F rated actors cast in the roles. At least the psycho thing was supposed to be a salute to the original i suppose, but something tells me Hitchcock would NOT have been appreciative.
Ahh, yes..."Love, Ann" I believe it was called...I remember it well!
Good call, dear!
*NOW* you tell me you don't wanna piss off locals. Thanks for the heads-up, bro.
As a pubescent teen, the biggest reasons I had for reading Spidey was 1) Mary Jane Watson and 2) the smart-assed chatter.
A gibbon may 'come closer' to being a human than a sperm whale or an ostrich. But that don't make Kirsten Dunst hot. Or tolerable.
Uhh...common sense bro?
I agree with you on Dunst...terrible casting, but that don't ruin the whole experience for me. BTW- #3 had a record opening day taking in almost 60 million. I'm gonna try and check it out later todya, despite LOTS of disappointing reviews.
I'm tired of movies being turned into musicals, especially bad movies that become worse musicals...sorry Laura Bell Bundy but Legally Blonde wasn't the most memorable movie ever and I certainly wouldn't want to drop $75 to see it as a forgettable musical...same goes with Footloose, Hairspray, The Producers, Hi Fedility, thankfully The Lord of the Rings musical stalled somewhere between Toronto and London but it apparently is getting a retooling and now...OH LORD SAY IT AIN'T SO...swinging into a Broadway theatre soon, Spiderman the Musical...at $30 million it is being billed as the most expensive musical of all time!! Who cares?? Also, add any Disney movie turned into a musical as well...
I'm also tired of actors and rappers (with a few notable exceptions) showing up in movies trying to act...
Finally, I have had it with prequels and origin stories...Darth Vader will never be scary again because you look at him and he is that stupid asskid in Ep.1 or that whining frakin' teenager in ep. 2 and 3. I am not interested in how Kirk and Spock met at Starfleet Academy, Jack Nicholoson's Joker would have eaten Christian Bale for lunch and I don't care about Professor X and Magneto's friendship prior to X Men...
I'm also kinda tired of the Yale Mafia dominating contemporary American theatre...
Peace
Rick
"Finally, I have had it with prequels and origin stories"
A HARDY AMEN, to that, brother St. Peter...to quote comic book guy "Worst...idea...EVER!"
Oh the Psycho thing...
I was so put off when I saw the remake that I almost walked out of the theater - should have never seen it in the theater in the first place, I guess, but I was trying to give it a chance.
Number one - I like ya, Vince, but you're no Anthony Perkins.
Secondly, the masterbation scene. I almost yelled out in the theater. Sure, Norman Bates was watching her undress through that little whole but his obsession was about more than cheap sex. The jerking off totally cheapened it. F-ing Hollywood.
Okay - now to Spiderman. I am not a comic book person. I've never owned one and have rarely read one. But I do know that they could have picked someone a heck of a lot better than Kirsten Dunst to play MJ - like Peter says on Family Guy: "weird face, hot body." Bark, bark. Not a huge fan of Tobey, either - at least, not in these movies.
Next, you're right. As much as I love musicals, some things should NOT be made into musicals. Um, can we say CARRIE? Yikes.
Amen to everything Rick said...There was a time when a literate Broadway was a source for movies. Now sub-literate Hollywood feeds the theatre. (And there was an actual reason for Broadway supplying Hollywood...a lot of America never got to see those shows, so you were bringing them to a mass audience. But the mass audience has already seen the movie...why would they want to see something Broadway can't do as well...and musicalized? LORD OF THE RINGS indeed!)
I saw Spidey III today and when he gets bad, with the hair down in his face, he looks like KD Lang...strange
They're calling him "Emo- Parker"...MAN that movie was disappointing! And after I just took up for the first two...what a big, bloated mess! WHY can't Hollywood get it right on the 3rd installment of comic movies?
Why can't they get the third installment right in comic book movies? Because they keep trying to carry over too much baggage from the previous two films. Look at Bond. New girl; new story everytime.
O.K. so, I'm really excited to see Spiderman the musical music and lyrics by U2!!!!!
Bad ideas? Musically, ASIA. I owned first album (lower head in shame) Supergroups in general. Bad Idea!!!!
Theatre. I saw Hamlet with five Hamlets in a mental institution (as if the play isn't complicated enough).
I saw a produciton of Death and the Maiden with the last scene cut out, Bad Idea!!!
There are too many movie's out there produced and not produced that are a Bad Idea!!!
I'm sure I have had my share of bad ideas too. I just have no Idea what they are, which is Bad.
Peace,
Daryl
I agree with the remake of PSYCHO...that was sad. I find it difficult to accept remakes of much of anything...although WILLY WONKA was cool.
SHOWGIRLS....ree-dick-u-lous..somehow it just shows that alot of boobies somehow translates into box office for Hollywood. And some of the boobies weren't that attractive.
The costumes were beautiful...but the S.Coppola MARIE ANTOINETTE was foul!!!
Theatre-wise-
Anytime anyone slides down a door or wall slowly in despair...It has never worked for me. I tend to snort.
The version of Two Gents @Lex Shakes...it was a blast to be in and had some fine moments, but I don't know if it worked for the audience. Hell of a fine cast, tho.
I agree with Rick about movies turned into musicals...nothing speaks originality like attempting to create water from a stone. A stone that should remain where it sits, gathering dust.
uhhh...Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. That equals five right there. Sorry Tim. :) OOPPS.. Honorable mention...The Elder with Chris Makepeace!
There are an awful lot of bad trends out there, and one is actually in TV more so than film- INTERACTIVE TV!!!Having to gather information on the internet to know what's going on in the show. LOST is a prime example. Most people with lives simply don't have time to go to "LOSTEPEDIA" , or whatever the hell they're calling it, in order to get answers and information on a TV show. I want my information ONE place, and one place only- IN THE TV SHOW!!!! If you have to uncover easter eggs and clues on some lame website to understand what's going on with your favorite show? I call that lazy writing, folks...(And so help me God, if LOST doesn't explain the NUMBERS at some point and I'm stuck with some half-assed expalnation that I have to research, I'm gonna be PISSED !!!)
Another bad idea- PREQUELS! Rick's got it right on this one. You know why these don't work? I'll TELL you why...cause there's no freakin SUSPENSE! WE KNOW what's gonna happen to Anakin Skywalker...do we know the exact details? No, but as it turns out, the details really SUCK! Did Hollywood learn NOTHING fro, BUTCH AND SUNDANCE: THE EARLY YEARS???
In theatre, I must echo the musical from movie syndrome. Pretty useless- and is it me or is LEGALLY BLONDE getting hammered by the critics? Hate it for LBB, but dammit, enough is enough...
...and did I mention CRAMMING TOO MANY FRIGGIN VILLIANS INTO YOUR THIRD INSTALLMENT OF A FINE SUPER HERO FRANCHAISE???? Well...there you have it...
Umm..MR ANNONYMOUS...if that is your name...there will be NO slander of KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK on MY blog!!!!
what the hell is a franchaise??
Go, Space Ace!!! Anthony Zerba freakin' rules!!!Didn't the Riffs cover something from the Elder??
It's a famous French Resturant in Versailles, KY...
...asshole!
And while we're at it..
who the hell is Anthony ZEBRA????
Hey Fletch...and any of you who are Metal-inclined...check out this link at you tube...
SMOKIN!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2xxgBSbHKg&mode=related&search=
speakin' of Zebra.. who IS behind the door. Heard Shooting Star on sirius tonight!!
ooopps ...who IS behind the door???sprechin' sie franchaise??
"Hannity's America" on FOX cable news. Even the announcer intro is horrible.
A salute to Barry Gibb on American Idol? I thought he was dead, but apparently he is alive and well. And sounds like Sean Connery
it actually sounds like his teeth don't fit...
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