So, I'm kinda bummed...normally, as my loyal readers know, I don't bring my personal stuff with me to blogland, but today was a particularly craptastic day. And it's all esoteric stuff- nothing I can particularly touch. But it's there nonetheless.
It all started this morning with GOOD MORNING AMERICA and a story I saw about something called GRUPSTERS. Ever heard this term? Not me..till today. Among other things, these lovely folks are the "new breed" of parent who have decided to keep their hipster identities (you know the type...wearing clothes that they really have no business wearing at their age, and name dropping bands like "The Arcade Fire" and "Of Montreal"?) and not "lose themselves" in their children. "We don't want to give up our IDENTITY for our child!" You know what folks? That there is shit people without kids say. I used to say it before the beautiful little boy to your left came along. But you know what? To a degree, parenthood makes you ...well...obsolete. OK...so maybe that's to strong a word. But it certainly shifts your priorities. YOU are not as important as YOU used to be. That's what parenthood does, ideally. It robs us of our narcissism (at least, theoretically). We now have someone who (SHOULD) mean more to us than ourselves. And I'm sorry to say, but if you don't have kids you CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS...not fully. But don't get me wrong! I come not here to condemn people who've made a choice to not have children. It's a valid, and quite frankly very mature choice to make. If you don't ABSOLUTELY want children, don't have 'em! There's plenty of rugrats in the world as it is. My best friend in Tennessee is forever going on about how people give so much shite to him and his wife about hoe SELFISH they are for not having kids! BULLSHIT! It's SELFISH to have them when you know that you really shouldn't. But I digress...
Anyhoo...in this story about these GRUPSTERS and how they don't want to "lose their identities for their children" , I heard some of the most obnoxious, selfish trash I've heard in YEARS! Like the woman who said " Oh, NO WIGGLES or BARNEY in our house ! On Saturday mornings it's DISCO music for us! And she LOVES IT!" Yeah...that's real good. Fire up some Gloria Gaynor for your 8 month old! You know why kids listen to Barney and all that other crap? They LIKE it!!!It's AGE APPROPRIATE ! To me, that's like the morons who drag a 6 year old to see Richard the third. OF COURSE he's gonna hate it, because it's OVER HIS HEAD!!!! This, my friends, is the sole reason we have at least two full generations of people who hate (or THINK they hate ) Theatre. (Much in the same way my brilliant theatre career almost never was because of a dreadfully boring LITTLE FOXES I had to endure in the 7th grade...But that's another post...) And then there was the genius who said...and BOY this one really got me..."Remember...WE aren't coming into HIS life..HE'S coming into OURS!" To quote Hank Jr "I'd like to spit some Beech nut in that dude's eye... (and the closet rednecks amongst you know the rest) What a friggin Bastard! HE didn't ask to come into the world, sparky...YOU BROUGHT HIM HERE! So it seems to me, you at LEAST owe him a "smidge" of your time!
It's tough raising kids, folks. I've worked alot of hard jobs in my life. Hell, I grew up on a working farm and was doing real physical labor while alot of folks my age were just learning to ride a bike. I KNOW hard work and I ain't afraid of it...but there IS no harder job than being a parent. But you know what? I love it! And I wouldn't trade a second of it for all the lottery winnings in the world. Do I think it's important to not lose yourself in your kids? Hell yes...if I ain't a well rounded guy, I ain't gonna be a well rounded Daddy. But do I have to adhere to old ways and habits in a desperate attempt cling to my ever fading youth, at the expense of my son? Hell no! Not this guy...
So anyway, I guess the fact that I saw all these hipsters on TV , it just made me angry, and a bit depressed. My wife and I are literally killing ourselves making what we hope is a decent, loving environment for my son and still make a decent living, and these pricks could care less...And yes, I know that's a gross simplification, and I'm lashing out at a 2 minute sound- byte, and I know it's unreasonable. But I don;t really care cause dammit I'M in a funk now! It's so much more. Those of you in the inner circle know of the "professional hoops" I'm having to jump through and how unfair that all seems, and those of you who have ever taken a gander at my wife's blog know that the IRS raped us last month... so I just got a lot on the plate, and I let it bring me down today. There's also the fact that for two years I've been trying desperately to get at least a few more of my USM brethren to join us on the blog. Hell, I MADE this thing for them, so we could all stay in touch better, but, my guess is that most of 'em just simply don't care...and quite frankly that stings a little bit. Despite my gruff exterior...etc...etc...
But I AM thankful for those of you who do post. You've turned this Little site into something greater than I imagined, and I thank you for it. It's really great therapy for me, and it DOES allow me to keep in touch with great folks out the area like Mills. and D $ and Laurie Lou...so I suppose I should quit whining and count my blessings every now and then.
Rant over...I fell much better now! And I hope I haven't offended anyone with my ranting s on parenthood. If so, feel free to flame me unabashedly!
28 comments:
thats what blogs are for dear....RANTING!!!! That way you dont have to rant every night at the dinner table like most people.
X, I just have to say that I saw that story too this morning and even though I don't have any little Keri's at this moment, I hope to one day. And I hope to totally watch Barney and The Wiggles and whatever else is out there at the time. Heck, I watch Saturday morning cartoons and animated movies now! At least when I have kids, I'll have an excuse!!
I also want to thank you for creating this site. It's nice to keep up with you and the rest of the Davis clan!! Sorry more USMers don't take advantage of you like I do... wait. That didn't sound right. But you get the idea.
Keri Grayson Horn
Okay, I have so much to say but don't want to go on forever.
First let me start by saying - or shouting - AMEN AMEN AMEN!!
I'm actually glad I didn't see this story this morning. It would have pissed me off all day. What the hell is wrong with people? I don't know whether to be angry at these ignorant excuses for parents or to cry for their children who aren't really getting to be children.
Yes, being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs a person can have. And no, I'm not being a martyr. Sure, it's a bitch some days but I wouldn't trade it for anything in this whole world!
For those who choose not to have children, good for them. They are showing ADULT responsibility.
But as far as these "parents" who were quoted on this story...are you kidding me? How selfish can you be?
Do I enjoy Thomas the Train, Backyardigans, etc? Not especially. But our Little Man does - in moderation, of course. But, most things he watches are educational, also. HE'S A THREE YEAR OLD BOY!
Does he also "watch" Dancing With the Stars with me? Yes, sometimes. But, during most of it, he's jumping around and playing. Would we take him to see Sweeney Todd with us? Hell no. Age appropriate means a few things. One, some content may not be suitable for children in that it's scary or sexual, etc. Two, children are just learning to count and spell. Their minds aren't ready for most grown-up concepts and ideas.
They are kids. Let them be kids.
Were these "parents" robbed of their childhood somehow? If not, then they've had their chance. It's time to f-ing grow up.
I'm not saying we can't have any fun. No way! Just like you said, X, a well-rounded guy is a well-rounded daddy (and same for mommies). But we also have a very important job. We are responsible for shaping the lives of a human being, protecting them, loving them, teaching them.
Okay. I'm done. For now.
It's just the thought of a child - one just like our Little Man (and the other one on the way) - having to deal with this bogus crap. It just makes me teary-eyed.
Of course, I'm 6 months pregnant. I cry if I drop a pile of sweaters. :)
By the way, I also felt like I was going to cry after reading your post and then looking at the photo you posted with it. I'm such a sucker. Or maybe just a good parent.
I chose not to have kids. I'm happy with the choice. So I really can't comment on the rant.
But one thing I'm not so sure is a bad thing is exposing your kids to your own cultural influences. I know I would not be as knowledgeable, well-read, or well-rounded if I had been a kid holed up in my room...with my own TV, telephone, internet, etc.
One of the great things about growing up at the time I did was there was, for a long time, only one TV in the house. So you watched a lot of what your parents watched. I loved the cross-pollination of cultural, generational influences. Many of these things were beyond my comprehension, but they were intriguing in many ways and I guess I absorbed them through osmosis...even if I was twelve before I figured out dance hall girls in westerns didn't just dance.
Some of my favourite memories as a child are of listening to the TV my parents were watching after I had gone to bed and was supposedly asleep. It's the first time I was exposed to the Tonight Show and Jack Paar and later Johnny Carson. (Who remembers Jack Douglas and his lovely wife Reiko and his two books, MY BROTHER WAS AN ONLY CHILD and NEVER TRUST A NAKED BUS DRIVER?) Listening to The Gary Moore show and the barking narration of Walter Winchell on The Untouchables. I remember hearing Hallmark's Hall of Fame telecast of THE TEMPEST with Richard Burton as Caliban, Lee Remick as Miranda, and Maurice Evans as Prospero and being so intrigued that I had to get up and pretend I needed a drink of water, just so I could see a snatch of this weird thing I was listening too. I remember Art Carney doing a televised version of HARVEY...
I can remember the time I was going to convert my father to pop music and had him listen to Brook Benton's SHADRACH. My father smiled and said, "that's pretty good" and then went to an old record cabinet and pulled out a 78 record of Larry Clinton and his big band orchestra that was far superior to Brook's version and had me raiding the record cabinet from then on, discovering great songs and, along with the old movies I watched and singers I saw on variety shows, establishing my musical taste.
That said, every Saturday afternoon after the music lessons, my Dad always watched The Bugs Bunny cartoon show with us...
Yeah, I agree that some of that exposure is necessary. I just think it should be in moderation, and it should be done for the benefit of the child, not the adult. Hell, some of Logan's favorite music is Johnny Cash and (currently, of all things) Bob Marley! But...he also gets a steady diet of "kid friendly" classical and children's songs. we've yet to really let him watch TV, as my wife thinks it will rot his brain. She's probably right , too...As we speak, it's about 1 am, Joy and I were still up, catching up on our taped Wed night TV favorites, and lo and behold - here comes Logan down the stairs, declaring sleepily "I decided to get out of the bed!" What a kid I have...
...and yes, I know I used about four different tenses in that last sentence (and all of them incorrectly)...what can I say...it IS 1 am!
Another thing you hit on Chuck...watching things your Mom and Dad watched..listening to music with Dad. I think sometimes kids enjoy these (at first, anyway) things simply because it's what Mom and Dad like. They want to immulate the folks. That's why I dug watching old westerns so much as a kid, and why my favorite movie in the early 70's was THE STING, as opposed to...say...GREASE or something.
..but I bet you dollars to doughnuts that my old man would've HATED that version of the LITTLE FOXES!
I don't have children but, I so adore my nieces and nephews as if they were my own and they have certainly changed my priorities...I also chair for a preschool board and have been searching for a passage to etch on a plaque for our teacher and drama mom has helped me there, "They are children. Let them be children." ...perfect...
and Chuck, I too remember drifting off to sleep while listening to the TV downstairs, knowing my parents were sitting there and how safe & secure that felt...
Black Sabbath - Children Of The Sea Lyrics
Good call on the lyric!
See, I was REALLY having a downer yesterday...BLACK SABBATH lyrics and all!
And Keri,
I appreciate you and all the USM folks who do, or have, dropped by. Certainly you and Heather and Canady and Scott Mac,and the aforementioned regular posters of D$ and Diva Master (Hell, they're on here so much I sometimes forget they don't live in KY) have all come by and I enjoy keeping up with you. It's not alltogether fair of me to say folks "don't care" just because they don't make more some grand effort to keep in touch. Still, you know, there are folks I went to that school with who were , at the time, some of the best friends I've ever had. And by and large, unless I make contact with them (and in some cases not even then) there IS no contact. Jesus, I know people have lives and are busy. But I also know full well the value of keeping in touch with an extended community of friends. I guess I just wish I could find a better way to facilitate that.
Say HEY to all the LIONS for me! I promise we'll watch you - if ever Logan gets to watch TV :)
I have been corrected by one of my dear friends that reads this blog, I do have a godchild, (her child)she attends UK and is a Freshman...and X, they think you are great guy!!
That's very sweet..and they're RIGHT!! (lol)
Believe me, guys. I loves my Lexingotn folks...ya'll have always made me and Joy feel like this is my home.
Yeah, I looked up a little on these Grupsters last night after posting. It seems there are two different groups of them.
One group is selfish and make quotes like X heard on Good Morning America. They are more concerned about THEM. I suppose that is what I was responding to the first time.
The other group, I can relate to. Like Pogue said, exposing your children to culture is a great thing. If Mike and Little Man and I are in the car listening to the radio and Van Halen comes on, Mike always tells our son who it is and stuff like "do you hear the guitar?" or "listen to the funny thing he sings here." Little Man loves it - and remembers it, too.
This is where I looked last night. Check it out if you have the time.
http://www.statesman.com/life/content/
life/stories/style/03/15/15hipparents.html
Now, I could care less about being "cool" and having "street cred." But, then again, I was that way BEFORE I had kids. I wear what I want to wear and listen to what I want to listen to, whether it's cool or not - some of it around our son and and some of it not around him.
That website stated this:
"Does your daughter wear Barbie or faux-retro T-shirts paying homage to iconic punk bands of the 1980s? Are you a Wiggles fan, or do you lull your kids to sleep with the latest Softies album? Do you vent to your friends over coffee, or share your parenting foibles with thousands of anonymous strangers via your shockingly honest personal blog? How much do you hate Barney?"
Well, yes - I hate Barney. I can honestly say that. I prefer The Wiggles to Barney. Barney just creeps me out. And we do listen to Wiggles music (he loves it) - but I also play classical and (sorry Mikey) Broadway and some rock around here. Putting your kid in an 80's rock band t-shirt? That's pretty darn cute, if you ask me.
But, like the website above said, there's a limit. "When a friend references a band called Lesbian Tongue Ecstasy in front of the kids, it's a bad parenting moment."
I suppose I really just hate that selfish attitude. And I hate labels - especially when people call themselves by those labels. Gimme a break.
"A baby changes everything. Except yourself." Hahaha - yeah right. If I was the same as I was before I had Little Man...damn, I'd be a horrible parent! Sure, I'm still me - but, as far as I'm concerned, a better version of me.
In two and a half weeks, I'm putting sixty kids up for adoption.
Any takers?
Oh yea, if you show them Barney, they just might get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and then rip your #*@%*&* head off.
Millsy, I warned you about hittin the crack pipe before you post!
My favorite thing in this whole comment thread so far was seeing the X man use the pseudo-word "immulate", which is two letters away from "imitative behavior" and only one letter from "setting one's parents on fire". (Insert good-natured chuckle here.)
Kids should get the chance to "be kids". Adults should have as much fun as responsibility allows. And then just a smidge more. Your kid will be different from mine. Tim's kid likes Bob Marley and Johnny Cash. Mine likes Fall Out Boy and Black Eyed Peas. ("Whatcha gon' do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?") Everyone will do the whole job differently, somewhat.
As for groups with funny names, the media has long screwed with our heads on such names. Remember when "yuppie" first started out as a moniker for ambitious professionals? Then after a while it was always followed by the word "asshole"? These terms mean nothing more than others I hate, such as Bennifer, TomKat, etc. Somebody needed a hook to hang a story on. Others will adopt it because that is human nature- the desire to belong to a group.
Point being, I don't think there is a club forming out there that *intends* to raise kids any more warped than are already being churned out. In the end others will judge us (and we will judge others) as we always have- on the results.
I gotta go. My son #1 just found my stash of Penthouse.
Alas, I have no kids. I probably never will, unless I adopt one of Millsy's(but I'm skeptical of the gene pool). "Grupster" sounds like a fish on the Most Dagerous Catch.
I suppose, this is just another generational thing. Gen Xers, just want to keep on smellin' that teen spirit. Perhaps, they feel that havin' kids is some kind of sell out, and to keep their integrity in tact, they have to raise "cool" kids, or keep their street cred by being able to say, "I am rebelling agianst Dr. Spock and the Yuppie Asshole way of doing thing. "Grunge ain't dead baby,
see my kid is a hipster too".
So, stop 'snitchin' on Barney and the Tubbies and raise yo kids to look fresh.
Peace Out,
D$
As always, D, you put things into the proper perspective! Bravo!
And Mikey, my son can already spell better than I can...
Tim, good to see you last night...hope the film fest went well at Alfalfa's. I heard lots of hootin, hollerin and clappin, so I took it as a good sign!
Bob
Amen!! It is the hardest job I've ever had also. But it is also the best job! What losers those people sound like. I also think that choosing to remain childless is a tough choice for some people, I mean the peer pressure to spawn in relentless at times. But, once again, it is the responsible choice if one is not totally sure! I really hate Barney though but my kids have outgrown him finally. Now they are into really great movies, right now the "movie de jour" is Madagascar (a.k.a. Zebra and His Friends). But let me tell you, we should have bought stock in the Wiggles. By the way, Anthony Wiggle just had his third kid in 3 years!! (Info for those who need to know!!) Sorry I don't comment more. I read but I keep a low profile. Oh, Tim, do you know a Rebecca Stephenson? She is a dancer and teaches adjunct at Centre College.
Stella
I don't. I know alot of the THeatre folk at Centre. They have a fine program.
Rick, you know her?
Crack pipe = Survival.
And Skittles gum is cool.
d$. Beware the genes AND the pool.
I took my daughter, Malone, to see the Wiggles at the miserable auditorium, where once I rocked out, with tim, to all the great bands of the eighties. I actually really liked the show. Murray even started to play "Stairway," and dedicated it to all the parents. I was really bummed when Greg had to quit. Haven't seen the new guy yet. Anyway, we are now jammin' on the Doodlebops. I didn't know what real life was 'til I had my children.
The Doodlebops scare me. :)
X, thanks for the heart wrenching post. It's good to purge the buildup once or twice in a while. I just had a long conversation with a friend about this subject a few days ago. Parenting styles notwithstanding, any of us who are biologically, emotionally, spiritually or legally responsible for the rearing of a child all have a responsibility to, at least temporarily, shelve many of our personal indulgences and put our child's needs (all of them) ahead of our own. We should be altruistic to give our little ones a best chance at an even better quality of life than we've had, even if ours is "totally awsome, dude." From a selfish point of view, this even affords us the luxury of bragging on our children when we are older.
OK, I'll stop the rant now before i really get wound up. As for regular posting and keeping in touch, I realize I rarely post here. However, I read what's happening regularly. I just often haven't the time to write a long post (like this one) or else I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said by someone. Then there's the old saying, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open ones mouth and remove all doubt." It's no secret I'm not the sharpest cookie in the box, er, something like that.
Anyway... what was i saying? Does anyone have any mustard?
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